Week 7 Story: Closure
"How much longer until we arrive?"
Arjuna asked his brother Yudhishthira.
"Just over this hill and we should be able to see their campsite. It's adjacent to the sea."
The Pandava's, minus their mother Kunti, and their wife Draupadi were making the trek to visit their elders, Dhritarashtra, Kunti, and others. Years had passed since the elders made their long journey to the forest. They had chosen to live a quiet life in mourning of their loved ones who were lost during the great Kurukshetra war.
"I see the sea! Look, there they are!" Draupadi yelled to her husbands. They quickly approached the camp and were warmly welcomed by Kunti and the others.
"It is so great to see all of you," Kunti smiled. "Vidura would like to see you all as well. He's at the shore of the Ganges. We should all go out to meet with him. He's been very detached lately." Her face slowly turned to a worried look only a mother could wear.
The small camp's dwellers and the Pandava family joined together and walked to the shore of the Ganges. Once they arrived, they saw Vidura meditating near the water. His body was frail from old age, and his face wore deep trenches where water from his eyes and the Ganges had continuously ran. He could not speak, for the depression of the loss of his loved ones had taken his voice. The Pandavas and the forest dwellers silently sat around him, and once he passed over they wept for him and his loss.
As they mourned, Vyasa, the great sage, appeared among them.
"Do not cry. Vidura chose to spend the last of his days mourning. It is what he wanted. You all have experienced great pain of losing loved ones. Cleanse yourselves in the Ganges, and you will see your loved ones for one last goodbye." One by one, the Pandavas and the forest dwellers stood up and walked toward the Ganges to cover themselves in the water.
By the time the last person had come back to shore, the sun was setting. They all looked out to the sea and watched the sun dip into the ocean. Suddenly in the distance, foam began to spring forth from the Ganges, and figures could be seen coming toward them. As they got closer, they could make out chariots and their riders. Their loved ones had come at last. Men from the Pandava and Kaurava families returned from heaven to spend one last night on earth.
Everyone danced, played music, ate food, and talked all night long. A huge party was thrown to celebrate the lives of the loved ones lost. Arjuna was reunited with his son, wives were reunited with their husbands, and Bhishma was reunited with his great-nephews, the Pandavas brothers. Soon, the sun peeked over the eastern horizon, and their night was quickly coming to an end. Silence filled the air and the ones alive looked longingly at the ones who were already gone.
Final goodbyes were said, and promises to do their best in this life were made. The lost ones returned to their chariots and rode off into the Ganges. The Pandavas and the forest dwellers held on to each other as they watched the foam of the chariots slowly vanish and the Ganges became still once again.
I decided to change the end, where Vyasa originally tells the widows that they can jump into the Ganges if they want to be with their husbands, and most do. I didn't like the message that told. I changed the story to where the widows and other mourners made promises to their loved ones lost. After someone has died, it is hard to know how to go on, but I do not think the answer is to also end your life so you can be with them. We should choose to do well as possible in life so we can make them, and ourselves, proud. I also tried to make it seem as though everyone who was still alive grew closer because of the deaths of their loved ones, because I do believe death happens to strengthen certain relationships.
****NOW ON MY PORTFOLIO: Closure*****
Arjuna asked his brother Yudhishthira.
"Just over this hill and we should be able to see their campsite. It's adjacent to the sea."
The Pandava's, minus their mother Kunti, and their wife Draupadi were making the trek to visit their elders, Dhritarashtra, Kunti, and others. Years had passed since the elders made their long journey to the forest. They had chosen to live a quiet life in mourning of their loved ones who were lost during the great Kurukshetra war.
"I see the sea! Look, there they are!" Draupadi yelled to her husbands. They quickly approached the camp and were warmly welcomed by Kunti and the others.
"It is so great to see all of you," Kunti smiled. "Vidura would like to see you all as well. He's at the shore of the Ganges. We should all go out to meet with him. He's been very detached lately." Her face slowly turned to a worried look only a mother could wear.
The small camp's dwellers and the Pandava family joined together and walked to the shore of the Ganges. Once they arrived, they saw Vidura meditating near the water. His body was frail from old age, and his face wore deep trenches where water from his eyes and the Ganges had continuously ran. He could not speak, for the depression of the loss of his loved ones had taken his voice. The Pandavas and the forest dwellers silently sat around him, and once he passed over they wept for him and his loss.
As they mourned, Vyasa, the great sage, appeared among them.
"Do not cry. Vidura chose to spend the last of his days mourning. It is what he wanted. You all have experienced great pain of losing loved ones. Cleanse yourselves in the Ganges, and you will see your loved ones for one last goodbye." One by one, the Pandavas and the forest dwellers stood up and walked toward the Ganges to cover themselves in the water.
By the time the last person had come back to shore, the sun was setting. They all looked out to the sea and watched the sun dip into the ocean. Suddenly in the distance, foam began to spring forth from the Ganges, and figures could be seen coming toward them. As they got closer, they could make out chariots and their riders. Their loved ones had come at last. Men from the Pandava and Kaurava families returned from heaven to spend one last night on earth.
Everyone danced, played music, ate food, and talked all night long. A huge party was thrown to celebrate the lives of the loved ones lost. Arjuna was reunited with his son, wives were reunited with their husbands, and Bhishma was reunited with his great-nephews, the Pandavas brothers. Soon, the sun peeked over the eastern horizon, and their night was quickly coming to an end. Silence filled the air and the ones alive looked longingly at the ones who were already gone.
Final goodbyes were said, and promises to do their best in this life were made. The lost ones returned to their chariots and rode off into the Ganges. The Pandavas and the forest dwellers held on to each other as they watched the foam of the chariots slowly vanish and the Ganges became still once again.
(The Ganges bank, Wikipedia Commons)
**AUTHORS NOTE**
I kept pretty close to the original story line. The Pandavas go to meet with their mother Kunti and the other elders in the forest, and are told that Vidura is down at the Ganges. When they arrive, they see he has starved himself and has become quite old and frail. They sit with him until he passes, and they all mourn until Vyasa comes. To soothe them, the tells them to bathe in the Ganges and their loved ones will come back for a time. They do, and their loved ones come back and they all are together for a night.
****NOW ON MY PORTFOLIO: Closure*****
Bibliography: "The Forest and It's Ghosts" from Indian Myth and Legend by Donald A. Mackenzie, via PDE Mahabharata
Hi Cheyenne, the start of your story was in dialogue which caught my attention. I liked the storyline and how the scenes of the story played out. The author's note help me understand why you wrote the story the way you did. I help me follow along more once I read that, and went back through the story you wrote.
ReplyDeleteCheyenne, I love that you have dialogue in your story. I think that stories with them really stand out and are really interesting to read. It gives them character and helps visualize the scene better. I like your take on the ending as well, it was more of a happy ending that people can grow and grow closer because of the loss of a loved one!
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Cheyenne!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you kept the story similar to the original. This made it an easy, relaxing, and enjoyable read overall. The way you recreated the ending was amazing! I agree that it does send the wrong message. When I originally read it I did not think about it too much, but once you mentioned it I am glad you chose to rewrite it.
ReplyDeleteHello again, Cheyenne! I really enjoyed reading your story. Something that caught my attention early on was your use of dialogue. This is something that takes a lot of work and paying attention to detail and you really have done a great job with it. One thing I would recommend is using more details and imagery so that it is easier for readers to picture the setting.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteYour use of dialogue and the narrative of this story really helped me follow along and connect a lot better than I was able to with the original. I also liked your recreation of the ending, I agree that death is difficult but that it doesn't mean we should kill ourselves to be with our loved ones, so I liked that you changed it to be promises of living the best life possible.
Hey there, Cheyenne!
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that you stuck with the story and made it similar to the source. I find that a lot of times it is hard to change my own stories because the source story is so good. I always try to add in my own personal voice, and I believe you did that very well. You changed the ending and made the story your own.
Hi again, Cheyenne! To begin, I love how much dialogue you used. It makes a story much easier to understand and much easier to relate to! You use some great imagery throughout the story that helps us to visualize what is happening and what we are supposed to be imagining. Keep that up! I love that you changed the ending to be more positive and empowering.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your choice to change the ending. I often in these stories that characters do not get justice for what they go through, or that they are treated poorly without reason so I appreciate when the new stories rewrite these wrongs. I agree that your story has a better message about what to do when life is lost.
ReplyDelete