Week 10 Story: Standing Up
"But I'm not strong enough, mom," the young boy said quietly, leaning his elbow on the car's backseat armrest. He stared out the window of the moving car with a defeated look in his brown eyes. He watched the grass fly by in a blur, wishing he was that fast.
"You should at least try out for the team," his mom said with enthusiasm, "there's no hurt in trying."
"Yeah! Maybe you'll do better than you think," his older brother chimed in from the passenger seat. It was easy for him to say that, he was 6 foot and built like a viking. The little brother had not hit that part of his life yet, or perhaps he unfortunately never would inherit those genes. The little brother continued to stare out the window, unsure of his middle school future.
The next day during school, the little brother was walking around recess with his friends when he noticed in the distance a group of kids standing around something near a dark corner of the school building. The little brother and his friends walked up to see what was happening. When they got to the group, they squeezed through group and saw a taller boy with red hair standing over another boy on the ground.
"You're so weak and scrawny," the red haired boy smirked, arms folded, "I can't believe you're in middle school!" The boy on the ground looked up with tears in his eyes. He looked like a child.
The little brother's heart was beating fast, but he puffed up his chest and yelled, "Hey! Stop bullying him," and walked through the gathering crowd toward the red haired boy.
The red haired boy turned around and looked the little brother up and down, "Another scrawny kid," he spit.
"I said, stop bullying him. Just because he's smaller doesn't make him any different from you or anyone else. Bullying him doesn't make you any better!"
The red haired boy looked at the little brother with bewilderment. He looked around at the growing group of kids, all eyes on him and the crying kid on the ground. Embarrassed, the red haired kid ran away from the crowd.
The little brother helped the kid who had been crying on the ground, and because of the little brother's bravery, they were the best of friend's forever.
(Helping Hands, Pixabay)
**Authors Note**
In original story, there is a family of quail birds that live in a tree in a big forest. The mom and dad of the baby birds catch worms, insects, and grass-seeds. The baby birds eat all that they want, except one little bird doesn't eat any of the worms or insects, just the grass-seeds. The baby birds start to grow feathers on their wings, all but the little bird that only eats the grass-seeds. Everything is fine up until one night when a huge fire begins in the forest and comes toward their nest. The mom and dad and the babies fly away to safety, except the little bird who can't. He's stuck in the nest with no way out. He looks at the fire and tells bravely tells the fire to go away. It goes away, and him and his family are safe and happy.
I really liked the original story and thought it would really fit a story about a little kid being bullied. I decided to change it up a bit and have the main character of my story to help another kid being bullied rather than stand up for yourself, because I believe that it is not only super important for people to stand up for themselves, but also for others who cannot.
Original Story: The Forest Fire by Noor Inayat from "Twenty Jakata Tales"
Hey Cheyenne! I definitely like the message of your story and the bravery you highlight. It is far better to be kind than powerful and strong. I would like to point out to you that there is something wrong with your photo. You may have to choose a different one that you can use the url for, perhaps double check your post to see what the problem is.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool story. It really is true that you never know how strong you are until life brings you to a place where you can prove yourself.
ReplyDeleteI haven’t read the original tale but it seems quite magical. You’ve made me curious and I think I’ll read it next week!
I like your reasoning for changing the story a bit. Not only is important to to stand up for others, but I often feel like I am stronger in that endeavor than when I try to stand up for myself! It’s strange but true.
Hello Cheyenne. I enjoyed reading your story. Here are a few notes I have.
ReplyDeleteThe next day during school, the little brother was walking around recess with his friends when he noticed in the distance a group of kids standing around something near a dark corner of the school building.
---I feel like this sentence needs an additional comma. I may be wrong.
When they got to the group, they squeezed through group and saw a taller boy with red hair standing over another boy on the ground.
---I think that it needs to say “through the group” or “they squeezed through and saw.” I think it would sound better.
Other than that, I loved your story. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Cheyenne! Wow, I really liked your story! Your descriptions were vivid, and you did a good job of portraying the main character's insecurities without just downright saying so. I think it would help the reader connect to the characters more if you named them, but the story is strong either way. I haven't read the original jataka, but to be honest I don't really feel like I need to. Great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Cheyenne! I really liked this story. I think your use of dialogue was great. A lot of students, including myself, tend to avoid writing stories that are heavily based on dialogue. This story was also a great little tale of a boy learning to stand up for others and for himself. I like it! Your author's note was also enlightening since I wasn't sure what the original tale was since I am from the myth-folklore side. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteHi Cheyenne! I love how creatively you reimagined that story. You expressed the little brother's worries about not being strong like his older brother very clearly, and when he stands up to the bully the reader can feel his tension and his resolve. I like that you wanted to focus on standing up for others instead of just protecting yourself as the moral of the story.
ReplyDelete